November 4th, 2008Based on a complicated algorithm discovered in the Egyptian pyramids by Primus R. Edwin in 1974, the Ohio election was called after only 30 votes.  Election officials had hoped to use only 10 people but a hanging chad wedged in a counting machine caused delays.

November 6th, 2008NFL League President Roger Gooddell is exercising his authroity over the nations' most popular sport by implementing a new plan which will make the league a healthier and more competitive place. Starting in 2010 the NFL will impliment the "Franchise Bailout Plan" and some cities will lose their franchises.

June 4th, 2009Pastor Henry J. Tippinton has proclaimed to have recieved spoke words from Jesus about current trends in photography and Jesus isn't too pleased.

November 20th, 2008Sciencetitians have found compelling and irrefutable evidence into the leading causes in the development of cancer. In the unprecedented finding, doctor and researchers have uncovered the key component in what they call the "flavor gene" of cancer.

October 27th, 2008Acclaimined "indie" musician Sufjan (pronounced "William") Stevens is doing all he can to make good on his promise to create album masterpieces for each of the fifty states before he dies.

May 19th, 2009A recent study conducted by the National Pork Producers Council indicate that a healthy diet of hickory smoked, natural bacon might contain the essential ingredients to reverse the effects of all cancers.